I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
