Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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