and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
