it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
