They should really pass out barf bags in church
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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