I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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