I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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