summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
