I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
