Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
