high people should be assigned attendants
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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