I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
