dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
