if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
No stitches, just platelets and will power
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
