I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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