I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
