Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
