He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
