Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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