College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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