I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
