just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
