WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
At least life still wants to fuck me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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