I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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