i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
my liver is dry heaving
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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