He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
false alarm, still single
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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