Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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