I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
