He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
