She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
