ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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