I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
