i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
