So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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