there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
