you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
