You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
