I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
