I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize