I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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