At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
