Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
