who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
