She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
