Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
