Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
