I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
