I must be too annoying 4 u.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
