I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
