You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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