so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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